What’s your most outrageous job?

It’s high time I start giving away some free audiobooks, don’t you think? Here’s the start. I have two free copies of my narration of Some Girls, by Jillian Lauren, on CD. Jillian’s memoir is a fascinating account of her experience working as a harem girl for the Sultan of Brunei. Jillian is intrepid and funny and brave and a little outrageous. Now I want your to tell me about your most outrageous job. It can be a job you loved or a job you hated or one you found hilarious or infuriating. Tell your outrageous story in the comments below, in 250 words or less, for your chance to win a copy of Jillian’s story! I’ll post the lucky recipients on Friday, February 1st.


8 thoughts on “What’s your most outrageous job?

  1. Before I became a writer, I was a scientist. Part of my job required me to leave the lab for field work, which included mixing fluorescent dyes for water dye-tracing investigations. Usually dyes in water became so diluted you couldn’t see it in the water (hence the lab spec machines). Anyway, I once turned the entire Lost River fluorescent green. This river pops up outside the Lost River Cave and meanders inside it where boat tours take place. Luckily the state was warned ahead of time about the trace, but the tourists…they had wild imaginations and reactions.

    (Tavia, you can see a picture of this on my Facebook.)

  2. Laura Kreitzer on January 17th, 2013 at 3:29 pm
  3. That. Is. Awesome.
    Friends…we have a CONTENDER!!
    Also, Laura, I’m sending you a psychic hug right this second. xo

  4. Tavia on January 17th, 2013 at 3:30 pm
  5. As a 34 year old mother of four, a graduate student, a wife, a runner and an avid historical fiction reader; sometimes my former life seems a little bit surreal. Oh, but it happened. I absolutely was employed as a, “go-go” dancer…. in a cage… in a nightclub. Did I mention the cage part? This was during my more adventurous years, as I like to call them. I modeled, did a calender, entered a few wet t-shirt contests when cash was running low, and danced in a cage. I’m not proud of it…. Well, maybe I am just a little bit.

  6. Summer Stout-Bloyer on January 17th, 2013 at 4:51 pm
  7. I LOVE it, Summer!! You can be a little bit proud of that! You are super extra beautiful, so I’m not surprised that for a little while, in another life, being a hot girl dancing in a cage was your calling. This is a GREAT story! (P.S. Being a mom, a wife, a student, an athlete, and an intellectual is ALSO super hot.)

  8. Tavia on January 17th, 2013 at 4:53 pm
  9. In the 80’s a friend said they were looking for “Strawberry Shortcake” at a Mall. The costume fit. I used eyebrow pencil for freckles and lipstick cheeks. The hat was to small. I have a large head. But this giant strawberry hat was made for a peanut head. So I did what any big head would do. I ripped the lining and jammed that thing on “The show must go on”. Twenty minutes I had a migraine. The children went bonkers for Strawberry. My head was pounding. I was holding on to my hat. The kids had me surrounded. I wanted to yell, Security, Security. Then all of the sudden this little girl came up and started poking me . I’m trying to be charming and sweet. Strawberry Shortcake is very, very sweet. I’m trying to be Strawberry Shortcake with a fucking migraine. That’s when it happened. She poked me one to many times. I turned and she sneered. “Your not really Strawberry Shortcake and those are not real freckles.”
    I snapped. I said “no I’m not and I am out of here.” and I ripped the hat off my head. I moved so fast I didn’t even see their faces. I felt a little bad, but not really. I just had to get that hat off my head. Needless to say I never worked again and half my pay to repairing the hat. I have heard thru my friend that all costumes have different hat sizes now.

  10. Monika Winters-Sanchez on January 22nd, 2013 at 1:32 pm
  11. Monika, what a hilarious story! And just think — your suffering through such hat misery paved the way to much improved hat conditions for future Strawberry Shortcakes. Your sacrifice was not in vain!

  12. Tavia on January 22nd, 2013 at 2:48 pm
  13. I have been paid to surreptitiously follow museum visitors around exhibits. It’s a museum evaluation data collection strategy known as “tracking.” The data collector waits outside the exhibit, has an imaginary line in mind, and the fifth person to cross the line is the subject. I followed people through the Smithsonian’s National Museum of Natural History during the “Spiders” exhibit, noting which items they were drawn to, whether or not they read labels, and noting anything they said. I have to say, it was pretty cool, and sometimes funny, as in the case of the father and daughter I tracked. The goal of the Spiders exhibit was to get people to appreciate the role of spiders in the ecosystem rather than being so scared, but when these two visitors were standing by a specimen of the largest known spider species, daughter said “wow daddy, that’s scary!” and her father said soberly, “don’t worry honey, if we ever see a spider like that, I’ll kill it for you.”

  14. Andi Arndt on January 26th, 2013 at 3:29 pm
  15. Oh, Andi! That’s a very loving papa you witnessed. I no longer kill spiders or other bugs — I’ve toughened up enough to fling them outside — but I definitely like the idea of a father who would be willing to do it for his daughter. Spiders ARE scary! Thanks for adding YOUR outrageous job!

  16. Tavia on January 26th, 2013 at 3:33 pm

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