Okay, so what if I did?

My status update on Facebook, posted a little over an hour ago, reads, “Considering writing a “moving to New York to expand the possibilities of an adventurous life” blog. This scares and excites me.”

And it does!

My scant blog posts in the past have taken hours of careful crafting and revision, and even then, I find spelling errors and silly writing stumbles, and I’m a little bit embarrassed by them, yet I check to see if anyone has commented on them and feel a bit let down when no one does.

So, if I blog on a regular basis, I can’t second-guess myself every step of the way; I don’t have that much time.

If I blog on a regular basis, then I’m opening myself up so much. What if, hearing that I am a writer (because I have a freshly-minted MFA in writing), people expect me to write fascinating and beautifully-wrought posts, and then they find I’m not all that interesting? I mean, I’m actually not all that interesting, in a contemporary, pop-culture way. If I wrote about my life, it would be a lot about work, British sitcoms and radio dramas, getting lost while driving — even with a GPS, and singing in an a cappella Renaissance choir. There would be very little about my wild adventures upon “going out.” I don’t really “go out.” What if I prove myself to be just as awkward as when I was in junior high?

What if, hearing that I’m going to blog about my life, the frequency of entries ramped up to coincide with my move from Maine to New York, people roll their eyes and think, “She’s so excited about moving to New York. Like a zillion people live there. It’s not such a big deal. What a hick.” (Those would be some awfully mean, snide people, and I don’t actually know any people like that, but what if they’re out there, just poised to judge me and my writing and my life!?)

What if, in response to the fact that I’m going to write about the experiences I have expanding my career as an actor in New York, I completely FAIL to expand my career as an actor in New York? Wouldn’t that be embarrassing, if my blog just sort of peters off because I don’t book a single gig or even get a callback?

Making a commitment to blogging seems really kind of scary, for all those reasons and more.

But even so, I think I’m going to go for it. I think it could be kind of great. I’ve never lived in New York, and so what if it’s not cool to be excited? I’m FREAKING EXCITED! I’ve wanted to live in New York and be an actor and a writer since I was in seventh grade! I grew up in Idaho, which is not just 3,000 miles away from New York, but a WORLD away from New York, so I’ve got all the youthful enthusiasm and energy and wide-eyed delight about this move as a nearly 36-year-old woman could possibly have!  I’ve got this great digital camera, and I could take pictures of my new life, and share them with you! It would be like you’re moving to New York, too! Or if you live there — like a zillion people do — maybe you’ll find it funny that I say excuse me when I bump into people in Times Square (so, approximately 98 apologies in the space of 5 minutes), or that I actually make eye contact with sidewalk musicians and thank them for making my day more beautiful, or that I look for rats in the subway — the bigger the better — because they are strangely horrifying and THRILLING!?

I’m just a couple of days away from officially moving to New York, after twelve years in Maine. Everything is about to change. People ask why I’m moving, when I love Portland and my community and my apartment and my life, and I’ve been answering, “I’ve been enormously lucky in Maine. I’m moving to New York to put myself in alignment with New York-sized luck.” I wonder if I write on a regular basis, write quickly and without judgment about what’s happening, and what I dream of happening, what luck will open up?


20 thoughts on “Okay, so what if I did?

  1. When you get here please make a point to organize a time and place to meet up with me at a fine drinking establishment so I can toast to your new adventures (and possibly be in some of them)! Im in Hell’s Kitchen near 48th and 10th.

    Bon Voyage and best of luck!

  2. RJ Tholl on May 21st, 2013 at 3:46 pm
  3. Hey, thanks!!! 🙂

  4. Tavia on May 21st, 2013 at 3:49 pm
  5. I love NYC, but could never live there, so major kudos to you for trying something new. I’m already a fan of your work & talent, so I look forward to hearing about your NYC adventures. Take care, best of luck and blog away, because I’ll be reading!

  6. Shannon Rowe on May 21st, 2013 at 3:54 pm
  7. Thanks so much, Shannon!

  8. Tavia on May 21st, 2013 at 3:56 pm
  9. I’ll definitely read your blog if you write one because I’m never going to move to NYC, so anything you tell me will be of considerable interest. I think that writing a blog probably inplies spending quite a bit of time doing it – so it’s like adding to your already bulging “to-do” list, but – if that’s what you want to do, then you should do it. It also seems to me that writing a blog implies that some – maybe most people who do so will add considerably to their “Oh, dear – what if I misspelled, or had a dangling participle, or in incomplete phrase or sounded vague or stupid yada yada yada….” and most people already have enough of that sort of insecurity in their brains, but – again – if that’s what you wanna’ do, then I think you should do it.

  10. Carolyn Houts Gilbert on May 21st, 2013 at 4:04 pm
  11. Thanks, mama!!!

  12. Tavia on May 21st, 2013 at 4:12 pm
  13. You will SOAR. in all arenas. This funny, candid and compelling entry is a portent of wonderfulness to come. I love you!!

  14. Hillary on May 21st, 2013 at 4:19 pm
  15. If anyone calls me a Hick, Hillary, you and I are totally taking them on together and putting them in their place. (The place of compassion and forgiveness and kindness, of COURSE.)

    And: I. Love. You.

  16. Tavia on May 21st, 2013 at 4:21 pm
  17. I’m excited about reading your new blog and all the exciting things that will be happing in your move and New York.. Not to worry about grammer and spelling. Hopefully the people who are following you will be more interested in your thoughts 🙂 🙂 Have a wonderful adventure when you get to the city.

  18. Eileen Sutterfield on May 21st, 2013 at 6:30 pm
  19. Thanks, Eileen!

  20. Tavia on May 21st, 2013 at 6:38 pm
  21. YOU are as witty, gracious, interesting, captivating, beautiful, etc. in writing as you are in life. Your new blog makes me SO HAPPY ALREADY!

  22. Michelle on May 21st, 2013 at 7:57 pm
  23. Oh, Michelle!! You know what I was thinking about when contemplating the possibility of a blog!? You and YOUR beautiful blog, which I so hope you’ll bring back to life after graduation. YOUR blog made ME so happy every day!! I can only hope to emulate the spirit, grace, joy, and delight you bring to your writing. P.S. Come live with me forever and ever. I know I say that every time, but I MEAN it every time.

  24. Tavia on May 21st, 2013 at 8:06 pm
  25. Tavia,
    I’ve lived in NYC for … let’s just say you were a young ‘un when I moved here. I’ve lived in just about every neighborhood in Manhattan at one time or another and I know of some good writing groups here and there as well as where to find organic food. I’m quite sure you’ll do wonderfully but if you need anything when you get here please don’t hesitate to drop me a line…

  26. Carol on May 21st, 2013 at 8:09 pm
  27. Thanks so much, Carol! Those two things — groups of writers and sources of organic food — are awfully important, so I appreciate you thinking of them!

  28. Tavia on May 21st, 2013 at 9:27 pm
  29. Listen Ms. Hick, I’m not sure if you know this, but like a ZILLION people live in New York, and they’re ALL blogging (most of them with grammatical errors btw). Do you know what they aren’t getting into? Being the magical, magnificent and magnetic Tavia Gilbert. It’s true. They can try all they like, but they will never have the wonderment, the passionate curiosity, the zest for living or the incredible fear-busting capabilities that you possess. I think what you are doing is ABSOLUTELY courageous, thrilling, terrifying, and very Tavia of you. I will miss you TREMENDOUSLY but will look forward to living my NYC life vicariously through you. LOVELOVELOVE!

  30. Leah on May 21st, 2013 at 11:16 pm
  31. Oooooh, gurl. Thank you for your support, humor, and cheerleading. You are my backbone.
    And how do you think you’re going to miss me when I’m a gonna be comin’ back constantly to see you, I’m a gonna pop up on your Skype screen (woop! hey, put on a robe or somethin’), I’m a gonna haul my friend back to Yarmouth for bows n’ arrows!? You gonna be so SICK a me.
    But, seriously, I’ll announce publicly to the world — I am going to miss you TREMENDOUSLY, too. Monthly. Do you think we can see each other monthly? Say yes.

  32. Tavia on May 22nd, 2013 at 3:01 pm
  33. I LoVe reading what you write! If you wrote about boring things like “going out” it wouldn’t be your voice from your experiences, which is what we love and identify with while reading your words. I know what you mean about errors… Remember when my phone couldn’t do apostrophes during our correspondance? I believe in you and am proud of your courage, strenth, and brilliant mind! Plus, I get to call you my friend! May NY city shine ever brighter with you as a resident! Cheers! 🙂

  34. Heather Schroeder Humes on May 21st, 2013 at 11:40 pm
  35. Yay, Heather!! Thank you for your love and support. I’m glad to call you my friend, too!

  36. Tavia on May 22nd, 2013 at 3:02 pm
  37. Tavia, I didn’t know you sang in a Renaissance chorus. I sang in a couple of them for years. (I am no longer even slightly surprised by the many and various parallels in our lives.) Is there such a chorus in Portland?

    You write so beautifully, of course — your voice on the page is as easy and unforced and genuine as your literal voice in conversation. You never have to second-guess yourself, you are absolutely right, being fully yourself is the best thing you could possibly do, in writing and everywhere else.

  38. Kate Christensen on May 23rd, 2013 at 8:29 am
  39. Kate! Thank you for your kind words. I’m honored to hear your thoughts, and grateful that you spent time with my wee blog. Our story will be one of the next entries, of course!

    RenaissanceVoices.org is the choir with which I’ve sung for the last ten years, and I will be very sorry to leave them. My last concert is on June 2nd on Peak’s Island, and if you can come, it’s a beautiful and atmospheric and romantic place to hear our program — all in French!! Let me know if you want more information.

    See you soon, my friend!

  40. Tavia on May 23rd, 2013 at 12:43 pm

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *