Sunday morning. Almost everything I own is packed in boxes heaped in my small, open kitchen/living room. I’m sitting at the breakfast bar drinking a cup of coffee next to the big kitchen windows, which have been stripped of their curtains, making it easier to see the backyard of lush green bushes and grass, and the birch tree where the cardinal sings each day.
I’ve just listened to Sinatra sing the Theme from New York, New York. The song was sent to me from a new friend, Grant Overstake, the writer of a lovely young adult book I hope to have the privilege of narrating, called Maggie Vaults Over the Moon. That unexpected offering arrived in my inbox last night, along with a selection from Debbie Ford’s The Dark Side of the Light Chasers:
“As Charles Dubois once said, “The important thing is to be able at any moment to sacrifice what you are for what you could become.” The only thing that stops us from being our whole, authentic selves is fear. Our fears tells us that we can’t fulfill our dreams. Our fear tells us not to take risks….To overcome our fear, we have to face it and replace it with love.”
Grant shared these gifts with me on a day when the pleasure for this life has come up against the thrill of anticipation at creating a new life. I’m alternately buzzing with excitement and enthusiasm, and feeling tearful and heart-heavy with the pain of leaving behind all I know and love. No one could be moving to New York under better circumstances; an already-robust career, a close-knit community of kind friends, a great talent agent, a wonderful apartment in a lovely neighborhood — all these await. And yet, I’m fearful. Everything is changing — all my maps are being redrawn.
Still, I’m aware that my challenges and fears and concerns are those of privilege and abundance. I am truly wealthy beyond measure, and I have a responsibility to use all the gifts that have been given to me to offer the world beauty, peace, health, and happiness in any way that I am able. I’ll try to do that in the small ways that I can from the hustle of the big city.
I’m going to finish my coffee, then load the car with food, dishes, clothes, my computer, an air mattress, sheets, towels, my bicycle, cleaning supplies. Tonight will be my first night in my new apartment and tomorrow my first trek into Manhattan to begin recording Blue Plate Special: An Autobiography of My Appetites, by my new and already dear friend Kate Christensen. It’s significant and meaningful that Kate is accompanying me on this week’s journey. I feel her friendship and support, as I feel the friendship and support of so many people.
Thanks for coming with me. Let’s go.